The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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