: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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