i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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