my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
