i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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