i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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