I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
