mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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