I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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