No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it hurts more in the daytime
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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