I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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