saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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