barbara walters just said penis...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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