Me too!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
40s are totally the cure
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
