FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
