You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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