Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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