Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
