I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
