if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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