I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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