I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
