there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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