I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
