I bet he comes in French.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
