last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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