i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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