Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
