Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
