He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
