I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
