DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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