you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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