We're like a lot better than the average bears
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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