yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
