Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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