Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
