I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
