Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
