I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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