I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
