I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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