dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
