my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
