definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
