She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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