someone threw a dead crab at me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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