This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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