6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
