DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
