I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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