I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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