I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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