that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
