Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
