He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
