oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This is my gift to your gina
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
