All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want to make out with him forever
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
