Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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