did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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