You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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