Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize