I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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