between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize