I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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