I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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