I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize