you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
