I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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