I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I deserve to be covered in dicks
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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