Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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