Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
