you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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