we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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