Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
