I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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