just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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